Hope Experience

Ecola Bible College Ministering to People in Crisis October 2012 By Dr. Glen B. Maiden Our Purpose is connecting to the life of Jesus as he served people in crisis. This 3 hour seminar will cover the biblical story of helping broken people become devoted followers. Objectives: To examine the Biblical passages regarding ministering to people in crisis To do small group work in class for deeper conversation about ministering to people in crisis To capture the attitude of Jesus in crisis management Relevant Passages: Matthew 18.15ff Galatians 6.1ff James 5.16ff John 21 In a crisis the steps to restoration are: Stop the bleeding Truth is the most healing path Create a healing blueprint Create community of counselors, mentors, leaders Take care of the victims Restoration is based on the biblical choices of the offender Session One Examining the relevant passages Story Number 1: Addicts and Victims in Crisis The process of addiction Small Group Work Conversation with community Session Two Reviewing relevant passages Story Number 2: Restoring fallen friends Small Group Work Conversation with community Session Three Reviewing relevant passages Story Number 3: Restoring fallen pastors Small Group Work Conversation with community Restoration Process By Pastor Glen Maiden Our goal is to restore biblically Bob to ministry and set a precedent for future restorations. I have personally been involved in numerous restorations of church members, Elders, and staff members for many years from adultery, to addiction, to violence. Specifically, the current Executive Pastor at my former ministry, three music ministers who were addicted to narcotics and alcohol, a small group coordinator, and an Elder who had an affair. All were successfully restored. I have learned that if we act biblically and restore as Jesus did, we will honor God, nurture a healthier-deeper church, and mend the family involved. I also know that this will not be perfect, you will be personally attacked both by people who wish to punish and those who wish to enable. Our stance must be Jesus and the Bible. Personal opinions are welcome, but Jesus and the Bible are the hill we climb and die on and our ultimate authority. The emphasis of this process is restoration and healing. Our biblical models are King David and his restoration through Nathan, Jesus and the woman caught in adultery, and Peter’s restoration from betraying Jesus. Matthew 18 uses a relational accountability model ending with excommunication if the offender does not choose to reconcile. Galatians 6 speaks of humility, and a careful mending of sin. The Pauline word in Galatians for mend is a medical term meaning “triage”. Here are the operative passages we work from. Matthew 18 Parable of the Lost Sheep 12 “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? 13 And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away! 14 In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish. Correcting Another Believer 15 “If another believer[d] sins against you,[e] go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. 18 “I tell you the truth, whatever you forbid[f] on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit[g] on earth will be permitted in heaven. 19 “I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. 20 For where two or three gather together as my followers,[h] I am there among them.” Parable of the Unforgiving Debtor 21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone[i] who sins against me? Seven times?” 22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven![j] Galatians 6 1 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer[a] is overcome by some sin, you who are godly[b] should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. 3 If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important. Stumbling blocks: If we have a punishment mentality, the church body will pick up on that very quickly. Then we will have another battle to fight. If we cover up, water down, speak less than the truth, we will sorely pay. If we do not connect deeply to Bob’s addiction for healing, and instead spiritualize it, this alcoholic behavior WILL REPEAT. I believe our focus for Bob must be the healing of his addiction, not the treatment of symptoms. Or we will revisit this again. If we ignore his wife Sue in this process, we can fuel marital dissension. One of the greatest principles I have seen work is the “choice” model. As you look at Matthew 18, the excommunication of the offending party is due to their choice not to reconcile. So, you will see this word throughout. The first step is agreement on a process. I suggest a year plan including elements of the following which focus on healing Bob’s addiction. The next step is to communicate to the church family verbally and through a letter regarding Bob and his restoration. I will take the lead on these communication issues with your affirmation. Below is a plan I wish to invite your prayer and edits. 1. 12 months of counseling for Bob regarding his addiction and separate counseling for his marriage. Our health insurance provides some coverage. 2. Weekly participate at Celebrate Recovery or AA. 3. An Elder mentor for Bob to communicate and hold accountable. 4. A mentor for Sue, I would suggest Dora Dover. One of our experiences is that a completely separate weather system affects the wife and she needs ongoing communication and encouragement, or we open the door for another meltdown. 5. If Bob chooses to engage his addiction recovery, and his counselor feels he is healthy, Bob may return to playing on Sunday mornings. 6. If Bob chooses to reconcile his marriage and family issues, and his counselor feels Bob’s family relationships are healthy, he may return to assist planning worship. 7. If Bob chooses to reconcile broken relationships on the leadership team, with the recommendation of the Elders he may return to full ministry. 8. After year one of the above, we expect ongoing recovery work and accountability. 9. Because we care for Bob and his family, If he chooses to disengage from his recovery work, we will accept his resignation. The purpose is not punitive, the truth is that in this context public ministry is too much of a trigger for Bob and his recovery. We would gladly help him to another place of ministry which is not so public. 10. In the interim while we wait for Bob’s counselor to affirm his healing, we can fund the administrative leave through his sick days, holiday pay, a study break week, and then vacation if necessary. Ecola Bible School Ministering to People in Crisis Dr. Glen Maiden Final Exam: 1. In Matthew 18 Jesus gives us a blueprint of relationship with broken people. It is a clear illustration of how important A. punishment is B. discipline is C. honest community is D. church hierarchy is 2. In Galatians 6 Paul the Apostle gives us the passion to restore people. He uses a medical term which means A. surgery B. diagnosis C. prognosis D. triage 3. In James 5.16 he encourages small group community to gather for prayer. The end result of prayer in community is A.personal revelation B. More knowledge C. healing D. Encouragement 4. The first step in a crisis is to stop A. talking B. praying C.listening D. more damage 5. The use of counselors and mentors is an example of what kind of community? A. unhealthy B. healthy C. secular D. psychological 6. A blueprint creates a sense of clear A. goals B. communication C. consensus D. all of the preceding 7. In John 21 Jesus gives us an example of the importance of A. confrontation B. restoration C. conviction of sin D. guilt 8. Often in a crisis victims are A. blamed B. forgotten C. not cared for D. all the preceding 9. Punishment focuses on A. paying back B. an eye for an eye C. anger D. all the preceding 10. Discipline focuses on A. correction B. a father’s love C. restoration D. all the preceding Adultery: Statistics on Cheating Spouses Learn More ” Excerpts from The More You Know – Getting the evidence and support you need to investigate a troubled relationship.” Since 1971 William F. Mitchell, Jr. has documented the activities of those who commit adultery. As an investigator proving thousands of adultery, Mr. Mitchell has compiled these statistics: About Marriages and Divorce: • 50-70 percent of all American marriages end in divorce. • Within the last decade, incidents of adultery have risen to this alarming rate of 50-70 percent in America. About the Adulterers: • 100 percent of adulterers violate the trust they shared and enjoyed with their spouse. • 10-20 percent of spouse’s cheating begins as Internet affairs in chat rooms or at game websites. • 75 percent of adulterers are middle-class wage earners. • 1-5 percent of adulterers are pastors or clergy. • 90 percent of clergy divide churches and cause spiritual upheaval within their sphere of influence. Many congregants become skeptical, bitter and resentful. • 60-70 percent of adultery victims are women. • 30-40 percent of adultery victims are men. This number has increased dramatically over the past decade and a half, due in part to the increased presence of women in the workplace. • 10-15 percent of female victims are between the ages of 20-25 years old. • 50-75 percent of female victims are between the ages of 25-50 years old. • 1-2 percent of female victims are married more than 25 years to the same spouse. • 10-20 percent of adultery victims claim to be Christians, and the cheating spouse usually is a regular attendant of church or religious activities. • 15-20 percent are repeat offenders. • 99.9 percent deny they are having an affair and hide the truth! The exception is when they confess without being forced into it. • 70-80 percent who willing confess to infidelity recovery and enjoy a stronger marriage in time. About the Affair:• 50-75 percent of extramarital affairs take place with someone from the workplace. • 70-80 percent of the time, extramarital activity lasts six months to a year but not longer. • 20-25 percent of adulterers frequent motels or hotels. • 75 percent of sexual activity occurs in a residence, apartment, or office location. • 80-85 percent of domestic relations investigations reveal evidence of adultery when one spouse questions the other’s devotion and loyalty. • 30-50 percent of affairs involve alcohol during their indiscretions. • 50 percent of extramarital affairs take place under cover of darkness or in the shadow of the night. • 50-65 percent of extramarital affairs occur on weekends. • 10-15 percent of marriages survive affairs after professional or non-professional (clergy) counseling where the act of forgiveness occurs. • 10-25 percent of spouses having affairs bring financial ruin to their marital home. • 10 percent of affairs result in physical abuse with their spouse at some stage of the affair. • 100 percent of extramarital affairs take their toll on biological and stepchildren. Don’t make any sudden moves! Confronting your partner too soon will only help him or her hide their tracks and go deeper into denial and hiding. Author Bill Mitchell, a licensed private investigator, has helped thousands of individuals successfully find out if their partners are cheating and catch them! Use his smart, proven steps to immediately take charge of your situation and your life. Do your relationship this one favor…before things go any further If you’re living with the pain of not knowing, it’s OK to do something about it. You at least owe it to yourself to know what you could do. Written in a friendly, caring style, this book is first and foremost about caring for yourself and doing what’s right for you.