Hi you guys,

Trust you are enjoying the gifts of God in preaching, counseling, leadership.

I would like to offer you a free assessment for relationship, finances, and Post Traumatic Stress, i.e. fear.

The average pastor has a 4 year tenure. This means that by month 24 the pastor is calculating an exit strategy from the pain of his congregation and leadership. With regret however, this process tends to repeat if not for the worse.

I wish to give you a gift, a profile of your relationship wiring, money, and fear. Contact me and I will assess you for no fee. You will have after one hour a comprehensive report on how you relate to people, finances, and fear and therefore how to pray and attend to your family, your emotional and spiritual health, and the next board meeting where someone melts down about money.

Here’s what we will do:

The arousal template is a cutting edge tool for understanding the relationship neuro path ways which wired between the ages of 5-8 influencing your ministry and family relationships today. I will show you how to pray, and attend to this story.

The Money and Work Adaptive Style Index measures for 16 different problematic financial neuro pathways from workaholism, spending, to debting.

The Post Traumatic Stress Index measures 11 different ways the brain wires for fear. Do you have nightmares? Startle easily? Trust is difficult?  Do you avoid friendships?

The Neurological wiring assessment will graph for you 6 different neurological structures which can cause your ministry to fail.

May I be personal for a moment? How is intimacy with your spouse?  I can assist you with sexuality as well…confidentially of course.

Interested? Is there a catch? Nope. I love the work you do. My passion is to assist you so that the transitional energies to leave your ministry become transformational truths enriching your relationship with God, your family, and the people you love.

Reaching out is difficult…I know. What if you can make it through the drama of working with people to the depth of loving God, knowing yourself, and succeeding as a spouse, parent, and friend?

Contact today. No fee. Of. Course. Below are some stats you may identify with on some level.

Leader Support

The majority of Americans no longer rate pastors and religious leaders’ honesty and ethical standards highly. A Gallup poll released earlier this week reveals that for the first time since the question was introduced in 1977, trust in clergy has dropped below 50 percent.

Gallup attributed the decline of trust in religious leaders on scandals.

“If views of a certain profession have changed, it usually has been a function of scandal surrounding it. The Catholic priest abuse stories from the early 2000s helped lead to a sharp drop in Americans’ ratings of clergy, a decline from which the profession has yet to fully recover,” Art Swift, Gallup’s managing editor wrote.

https://www.christianpost.com/news/new-poll-reveals-most-americans-dont-find-pastors-religious-leaders-trustworthy-110987/

The burnout statistics listed below come from George Barna’s book, Today’s Pastors.

• 96% are married
• 80% have a bachelors degree and half have a master’s degree placing the pastorate among the most educated professions – but among the lowest paid as well
• The average length of a pastorate is about four years
• The median pastor salary is about $32,000 a year including housing allowance and other benefits, while the national average among married couples (1991) was nearly $40,000
• 24% of the American population is 50 or older but 51% of church attenders are at least 50 years old
• 40% of church attenders read the bible during the week
• 30% of congregants would seek help from their pastor during a difficult time in their lives
• 53% of pastors believe that the church is showing little positive impact on the world around them
• 60% of pastors believe that church ministry has negatively impacted their passion for church work
• 51% of pastors expect that the average attendance at their church will increase by at least 10% in the coming year (this perhaps relates to unrealistic expectations)
• Four percent of senior pastors have a clear vision for their church

Why Pastors Leave the Ministry

by Fuller Institute, George Barna and Pastoral Care Inc.

* 90% of the pastors report working between 55 to 75 hours per week.
* 80% believe pastoral ministry has negatively affected their families. Many pastor’s children do not attend church now because of what the church has done to their parents.
* 33% state that being in the ministry is an outright hazard to their family.
* 75% report significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry.
* 90% feel they are inadequately trained to cope with the ministry demands.
* 50% feel unable to meet the demands of the job.
* 70% say they have a lower self-image now than when they first started.
* 70% do not have someone they consider a close friend.
* 40% report serious conflict with a parishioner at least once a month.
* 33% confess having involved in inappropriate sexual behavior with someone in the church .
* 50% have considered leaving the ministry in the last months.
* 50% of the ministers starting out will not last 5 years.
* 1 out of every 10 ministers will actually retire as a minister in some form.
* 94% of clergy families feel the pressures of the pastor’s ministry.
* 66% of church members expect a minister and family to live at a higher moral standard than themselves.
* Moral values of a Christian is no different than those who consider themselves as non-Christians.
* The average American will tell 23 lies a day.
* The profession of “Pastor” is near the bottom of a survey of the most-respected professions, just above “car salesman”.
* Over 4,000 churches closed in America last year.
* Over 1,700 pastors left the ministry every month last year.
* Over 1,300 pastors were terminated by the local church each month , many without cause.
* Over 3,500 people a day left the church last year.
* Many denominations report an “empty pulpit crisis”. They cannot find ministers willing to fill positions.

#1 reason pastors leave the ministry – Church people are not willing to go the same direction and goal of the pastor. Pastor’s believe God wants them to go in one direction but the people are not willing to follow or change.

Statistics provided by The Fuller Institute, George Barna, and Pastoral Care Inc.

1. Day Three only 362 more to go. Jesus is mindful of our hurt. Look at Isaiah 53 with me. Isaiah 53New Living Translation (NLT)

   53 Who has believed our message?
   To whom has the Lord revealed his powerful arm?
   2 My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot,
   like a root in dry ground.
   There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance,
   nothing to attract us to him.
   3 He was despised and rejected—
   a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
   We turned our backs on him and looked the other way.
   He was despised, and we did not care.
   4 Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;
   it was our sorrows[a] that weighed him down.
   And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,
   a punishment for his own sins!
   5 But he was pierced for our rebellion,
   crushed for our sins.
   He was beaten so we could be whole.
   He was whipped so we could be healed.
   6 All of us, like sheep, have strayed away.
   We have left God’s paths to follow our own.
   Yet the Lord laid on him
   the sins of us all.
   7 He was oppressed and treated harshly,
   yet he never said a word.
   He was led like a lamb to the slaughter.
   And as a sheep is silent before the shearers,
   he did not open his mouth.
   8 Unjustly condemned,
   he was led away.[b]
   No one cared that he died without descendants,
   that his life was cut short in midstream.[c]
   But he was struck down
   for the rebellion of my people.
   9 He had done no wrong
   and had never deceived anyone.
   But he was buried like a criminal;
   he was put in a rich man’s grave.
   10 But it was the Lord’s good plan to crush him
   and cause him grief.
   Yet when his life is made an offering for sin,
   he will have many descendants.
   He will enjoy a long life,
   and the Lord’s good plan will prosper in his hands.
   11 When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish,
   he will be satisfied.
   And because of his experience,
   my righteous servant will make it possible
   for many to be counted righteous,
   for he will bear all their sins.
   12 I will give him the honors of a victorious soldier,
   because he exposed himself to death.
   He was counted among the rebels.
   He bore the sins of many and interceded for rebels.

   Don’t write much today. Meditate on the intimacy of Jesus and our suffering. He knows our trauma. He sees our way of hurt. He knows and is with you. More, he bore my sins and interceded for me, the rebel.

1. Day Two only 363 more to go. Look at verse one,”Oh the joy of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers. But they delight in the law of the Lord meditating on it day and night.” Joy and delight connect with the law, the character and compassion of God day and night. Life is not all trauma. David’s story painted a picture of titanic tragedy. David’s father in law boss attempted to kill him repeatedly, his son tried to overthrow and execute him, and the child by his adulterous lover whose husband he assassinated died a premature death. Grief, hatred, abandonment, death, persecution touched David. In this Psalm he speaks of the God who knows him intimately and compassionately. God gives David a framework of sanity to organize impending chaos. God blesses David with joy and delight. The Lord watches our way, in Hebrew derek. He sees our path of trauma. He is with us. He Knows and cares. Copy,paste , and print the Arousal Template from our OARS app. Search oarsexperience in the app store.  Click on media/worksheets/arousal template. Can you make a timeline of your trauma? Can you include the presence of God, His intimate knowledge of each event pre Psalmatic, that is before the trauma?

This is a new group for women on Monday nights 6P Pacific.

Check it out. PM me for a confidential invitation.

The Psalms and Trauma

This begins a new journey in the healing of the heart. I am adding one more dimension to this healing work, a daily meditation from the Psalms. Did you know that 1/3 of the Psalms touch King David’s trauma of family, work, and sin? In the comment section below I will write one reflection per day. Love your input.

1. 
   Day One only 364 more to go. We’re looking at the Psalms as God’s compassion for King David’s trauma. Creating a new word for our work, Psalmatic. This term is the combination of the word Psalm with the word trauma as in traumatic. I am categorizing the Psalms into thirds: Pre Psalmatic, Psalmatic, and post Psalmatic traumas. Pre Psalmatic connects to the upswing of David’s life, you know the good old days. Psalmatic touches David’s pain and struggle rangingfrom the attempted assassination by Absalom his son, the murderous rage of his father in law King, the terror of war, and David’s own trauma of adultery and murder. Post Psalmatic traumas speak to the resolution and redemption of David’s pain by God. Are you ready? 
   Book one (Psalms 1–41)
   Psalm 1
   1 Oh, the joys of those who do not
   follow the advice of the wicked,
   or stand around with sinners,
   or join in with mockers.
   2 But they delight in the law of the Lord,
   meditating on it day and night.
   3 They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
   bearing fruit each season.
   Their leaves never wither,
   and they prosper in all they do.
   4 But not the wicked!
   They are like worthless chaff, scattered by the wind.
   5 They will be condemned at the time of judgment.
   Sinners will have no place among the godly.
   6 For the Lord watches over the path of the godly,
   but the path of the wicked leads to destruction.

1. 
   First, let’s start with God’s presence in this Pre Psalmatic verse. The Lord watches over, the word in Hebrew is yada, to know intimately, emotionally, cognitively, spiritually, and physically. God knows us before the traumas. He is present and attentive before our pain. The connective follower meditates reflects on the law, the character, the heart of God day and night. Alexithymia is the inability to meditate, reflect upon, or connect our pain with God’s presence and healing. Read this Psalm again and drink in the words. Can you connect God’s compassionate presence in your life before the struggle? Take a few moments and thank God for being with you and knowing you before the trauma. He knows you, all of you.

Love what I have the privilege to do; help people reconnect the wiring of addiction and renew relationship to God and each other. We are in a revolution of neuroscientific breakthrough. Inaccurate old school thinking is being replaced by sound science and reason.  For example, the now disproven notion that the brain is static and unchangeable has been replaced with the truth of neuroplasticity…the

brain constantly changes and rewires.  I am a man of faith. In many ways science is catching up to what people of faith have experienced for millenia, namely, we can change, we can be changed by someone something greater than ourselves.

A therapist asked me this week about neuroplasticity, the science that proves the brain can rewire in 90 days.  She asked, “If the brain rewires in 90 days, how do we explain relapse?”

The brain has 109,000 miles of neural pathways, think about wires connecting sight to sound, smell to fear, noticing to sexuality.  These pathways form very specific functions and connect at trillions of locations in the brain.

Addiction neural pathways are in fact wires in the brain that formed due to learning. I learned how to soothe my anxiety or fear with a drug or relationship. Hence addiction neural pathway.

After 90 days of inactivity, that neural pathway prunes, connections diminish and become weaker. Other neural pathways of gratitude and healthy relationships form and we feel better, healthier, the addiction neural pathway loses power.

If I continue to attend to those pathways with healthy relationships and conscious focus, my neural architecture becomes stronger.

Enter anxiety of broken relationship.

Have you ever forgotten how to ride a bike? Did you hear that boy band song from middle school and feel a flood of emotion for your first dance, kiss, crush?

Neurological permanence is the brain’s ability to remember and recall. Get on that bike after 10 years of retirement you get it, yes?  Listen to the Back Street Boys and you have butterflies over your first kiss.  Your brain remembers.

As I work with clients who have struggled with relapse, all of them have slipped due to either resentment or grief, some relationship meltdown.  Relationship disappointment is the top reason for relapse.  (Carnes, 2014)

When we recover from our drug of choice, those specific wires of addiction prune or diminish. However, if we experience grief, resentment, abandonment, those very specific neural pathways or wires can re activate addiction neural pathways to numb the pain of loss, or arouse the system due to pain. Does that make sense?

So what is the awareness necessary to sustain our healing?  Love and acceptance. Rich relationships of meaning and connectivity.  Do you have a higher power?  Connect, love, give back to your community.  Do you have friends? Move from isolation. Pray, meditate, reflect, practice compassion for one another and…yourself. Grieve with people who love you. Attend to amends and forgive your perpetrators…then forgive yourself.

Do you feel better?  Your brain is rewiring…now.  Let’s get together soon…for coffee…for friendship…bike ride anyone? Let’s talk, listen to some boy bands, and I will tell you about my grandchildren…yes?

Did You Know?

If two consenting adults have sex and one is intoxicated, the other can be charged with rape in Oregon?

https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions-export.cfm?state=Oregon&group=9

The most extreme sexual desire among women involves…pain.

I work with female clients who fear the physical and emotional pain of sex.  Others seek pain ritually.

Pain can become part of an addict system rewarded by morphine like chemicals in the brain called endogenous opioids.  Without pain something feels like it is missing in sex.

Did you enjoy the movie, Avatar? The word for love and connection in this sci fi fantasy  was “see.” I see you. In a world of fear and pain…the way tall blue beings found love was in the seeing of one another. 

This is a perfect definition for healthy sexuality. Sex is intimacy, into God I see, into me God sees. Into my partner I see, into me my partner sees. Intimacy is beautiful, mutual, consensual, cognitive, spiritual, emotional.

There is more to sex than the act. Look at this abstract on pain and sexual intercourse.

Abstract

Sexual masochism disorder is considered the most prevalent paraphilia among women. However, little is known about the etiology and clinical correlates involved in this disorder. We aimed at addressing this issue through a potentially high-risk clinical cohort. This case–control study consisted of 60 women who met DSM-IV criteria for borderline personality disorder (BPD) and 60 women with other personality disorders. For both groups, sexual masochism disorder comorbidity was assessed through the Structured Clinical Interview, Sexual Disorders Module. Several etiological, psychosexual, and personality features were measured. Sexual masochism disorder was 10 times higher in BPD women than in women with other personality disorders (10 vs. 0 %). Among BPD women, those with sexual masochism disorder reported more child sexual abuse, more hostile/dismissing attachments, higher sensation seeking, and more frequently exploratory/impersonal sexual fantasies than BPD without sexual masochism. Correlation analysis confirmed a significant positive relationship between disinhibition and sexual masochism severity for BPD women. Our findings point out that BPD women may represent a high-risk cohort, especially those with higher disinhibition and detached attachment. Childhood sexual abuse may also play a predispositional role on this comorbidity. Further research may help to elucidate the intriguing relationship between both disorders.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-016-0834-

I love me some coffee. How about you?  At what point does a love for coffee become addiction? Think of coffee consumption like food. Is my diet healthy?  Am I binging?  Do I withdraw when I go without? Here is a cool article on recovering from caffeine addiction.

https://www.caffeineinformer.com/my-caffeine-detox