Confirmed today with Martin Hospitality, the First Annual Healthy Sexuality Workshop 9-12PM January 30, 2016 in Cannon Beach at Haystack Gardens. Do you have interest in bringing your staff to this free event to serve your family and community? This is our vision: Healthy Sexuality Workshop in Cannon Beach: Sex Addiction Tsunami: This workshop explores healthy sexuality and current trends in cybersex. Dr. Glen Maiden, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist-C, earned his doctorate in addictive systems. Glen is a 25 year addiction recovery counselor. Comprehending the neurobiology and modern breakthroughs in recovery of sexual obsession offers a foundation of hope to professionals, leaders, parents and partners in all walks of life. This 3 hour workshop will examine: Session 1: Definition of Sex as Intimacy, Current Trends in Sexual Addiction including cybersex and neurobiology, arousal template Session 2: Neural Pathways, Addiction Cycle, Addictive System, 10 Compulsive Sexual Behaviors and their healthy counterparts Session 3: How to make a sex addict, Treatment and assessment options, porn blocking software, and hope for professionals, leaders, parents, and partners. Pre register at http://www.glenmaiden.com.

The Beatitudes of Loveology: 4 Values for Children K-2nd Grade Ok, we’re taking a step. By now I trust you have protected your family and relationships with porn blocking SOFTWARE. Think of it like INSTALLING cabinet locks or putting sharp objects beyond the reach of children. Now we look at the very healthy view of sexuality for our children ages kindergarten through 2nd grade. The purpose is to go beyond deprivation and negative sex mandates to a very Biblical, Godly, positive view of connecting with God and each other. We call this, The Beatitudes of Loveology. Here are the first four values we will teach our children and grandchildren age K-2nd grade. We choose this age group because by the third grade our children will need to have guidance on pornography. The first time porn user on average is 10 years old, 4th grade. Here are the four values: 1. Love for Jesus; 2. Love for the community of the Church; 3. Healthy Touch Bad Touching Education: we do not touch children where the bathing suit covers; 4. Bullying Boundaries and Respect; Then on this foundation of Godly relationship we will build the Beatitudes of Sexology for 3rd through 6th graders. Then we build the Beatitudes of Sexology for Students and Single family members focusing on genital sexual intercourse in marriage, masturbation, serving with gifts, and conflict resolution I love your input and reflection. This is the most important work we have ever done. Here are the Beatitudes of Loveology thus far: Blessed are you who love Jesus with your whole heart. Matthew 22:37 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and soul.” Blessed are you who love Jesus’ Church as family. Jesus said in Mark 3:34-35 “Looking about at those were sitting around Him, He said, ‘Behold my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother, and sister, and mother'” Blessed are you who honor the image of Jesus in others. Ephesians 5:1-2 “Therefore be imitators of God as beloved children, and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us as an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” This means we honor God’s image by healthy touch and avoiding bad touching. We honor the image of Jesus with respect and not bullying. Our hope is to cast the vision for a culture of healthy relationships and Sexuality. What do you think?

Becoming a community protecting our children and grandchildren from pornography requires more than porn blocking software. Our community will need to become one of depth and great intimacy with God and each other. We must “know” the Lord, and love one another as we love ourselves. Intimacy at every level. Small groups touch this intimacy. We love Jesus in our groups, and we become his heart and hands for others. We pray, we connect as friends, we empathize, we care for the poor. Do you see it? Shallow will not do. Depth of intimacy with Jesus and each other moves us to health and wholeness. This movement will by its nature transcend the most pornographic culture in human history. May I help you find a small group of depth and meaning? Connect. I will assist you. You matter. You have value to the living God.

We are taking aim at cybersex. 60-70% of male churchgoers use porn. 40-50% of females. The average age of the first time porn user is 10, fourth grade. When a partner discovers porn on a spouse’s computer the post traumatic impact is the equivalent to the experience of rape or sexual assault. (IITAP, CSAT Module 2) Here are some porn blockers you may want to try. I have “NetNanny”. It’s a lame name, but comes highly recommended. “Net Nanny, $39.99, available on Windows, MacOS, Android, and iOS devices: Net Nanny has been at or near the top of the parental control software ratings right from the start. The filtering and blocking features offered by Net Nanny are versatile and effective, as are the recording and reporting features. There is no screenshot playback, but everything else a recovering sex addict might want is included. Additionally, Net Nanny is relatively easy to install and configure, and usable on almost any device. Plus, the price is excellent.” R. Weiss COMPUTER AND SMART-PHONE SOFTWARE HELPFUL FOR SEXUAL AND ROMANTIC ADDICTION • BSecure Family Safety and Mobile Browser: http://www.bsecure.com/Products/Mobile.aspx, annual subscription fee offers customizable Internet filtering and accountability features for your home computer, laptop, and mobile devices. • CovenantEyes: http://www.covenanteyes.com/, monthly subscription fee offers customizable Internet filtering and accountability features for your home computer, laptop, and mobile devices. • Mobicip: http://www.mobicip.com/, for a one-time download charge and a modest annual subscription fee you get a “Safari-clone” replacement browser for your mobile devices with customizable Internet filtering and accountability features. • SafeEyes Mobile: http://www.internetsafety.com/safe-eyes-mobile-iphone.php, for a one-time download charge you get a replacement browser for your iOS mobile device that offers customizable Internet filtering and accountability features. Only available for iOS devices (iPhone, iPad, etc.).

Below you will find 6 stories we have used to heal the hurt of the heart. No separation exists between our substance abuse, relational addictions/idolatry and the connection to our story. Telling our stories, speaking the words, brings a healthy sense of control. We can pray over our story, invite a counselor or safe friend into the conversation and finally ask God to heal the trauma. Check it out, message me privately and I will help. Do you have a sexual addiction? You can draw a straight line from your destructive behaviors to story #1. Write. I will help. If you have a dual diagnosis and reflecting on your timeline may be traumatic for you, I encourage you to write in concert with your therapist. Professional counsel will assist you to go slow and take care of yourself. Some disclosures have dramatic impact before the healing begins.

This is our final story together. You will love it. Like a broken ceramic art object take all of the pieces to your stories; your family, the addictions, trauma, the betrayals, hurt, and now…include our treasure, Jesus. He was there around your family’s table, He was present in your pain guiding you to this place of healing and help. He makes all things beautiful in their time. He mends, heals, restores the broken pieces. Look at Psalm 56.8-13 “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. For you have rescued me from death; you have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in your presence, O God, in your life giving light.” Jesus knows your sorrow. He records each tear. He is healing you. If this is so, what can people do to you? So, give Him thanks for the broken pieces of your life. Walk in His presence friend. I once had a client who endured horrible abuse. She asked me, “Where was Jesus when I was being hurt?” I responded, “Dying on a cross. With you…for you…He never left you.” Now, draw another dinner table representing your life now. Are you acting out sexually? Do you feel emptiness? Addicted to porn? Draw a straight line from your current sexuality to your dinner table (arousal template). You will see 1:1 connection. Invite Jesus into your table as a 10 year old. Make amends with the personalities around that table. Invite Jesus into your current table. Ask Him to heal the broken places of your sexuality. Healing begins, here. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing demolished art pieces with precious metals. The artist holds the fragments in his hands, mends the parts carefully, and then applies pure gold, silver, or platinum powder to the repair. The philosophy of Kintsugi highlights the beauty of the broken piece. In a real way, the Maker supremely values the destroyed pieces, and as a result the art is therefore more excellent, a greater treasure. You and I are His broken treasure. He loves the precious repair of shattered lives. 金継ぎ

This is a transformational piece of your story. After reading the chapter on The Power of Brokenness, write out your own story of the broken places. Use your previous stories of family,addiction, and abandonment to build your story of brokenness. In this story you will begin to see how God laid the foundation for your healing. The very hurts in your life you thought would bury you, have now become the truths God uses to heal you. Your weakness becomes His strength. Let’s unpack this for a minute. I have a friend whose children were assaulted by her spouse. She is now an expert in the healing of survivors of trauma. Another friend experienced a lifetime of drugs, pain, and abuse. He now lives life helping people off the streets to find recovery, employment, and a new way of life. A counselor was abused by her father. She now counsels and cares for victims. Jesus dies on a cross, broken by the sin of mankind. He is raised from death to bring power and grace to those who trust and love Him. At the point of His brokenness strength touches us. Your family, your addictions, your sin is the entry point for the grace and power of God. Write. Go deep.

Story 4 is incredibly deep. Please read the chapter in the Treasure, “Attachments, Addiction, and Idolatry.” You will find two lists of attachments or addictions. Write out your story of attachments of attraction and attachments of aversion. The importance of identifying multiple addictions cannot be over emphasized. One addiction untreated can cause another to relapse. Does that make sense? Sex addicts often have comorbid addictions, which means more than one attachment. With comorbid addictions a unique molecule is formed which increases recidivism, relapse, backsliding, up to 400%-Carnes. If you are brutally honest, you will find this healing and prevent relapse.

This week write your story of hurt, betrayal, and pain. Go very slow. Make a timeline of your life. Put on the timeline your dinner table when you were 10, take note of eras of anxiety, grief, and trauma. You will immediately discover the correlation of addictive destructive behavior with the events of anxiety, grief, and trauma. There are 3 kinds of truthful answers to give. Truthful answers, more truthful answers and brutally true answers. A truthful answer is like, “Yes I have a story of hurt and pain.” A more truthful answer is “My story of hurt and pain involves a family history of addiction and affairs.” A brutally true answer articulates your own personal pain in detail. Go ahead. Start. Read “Healing Survivors of Trauma” in The Treasure to touch the core of your story.

Ok here goes story number 2. Our first story focuses on our place in our family looking at the history and context of our greatest anxieties. Now, tell the story of your parents. Can you draw their dinner table when they were 10? Your parents’ attitudes, theology, trauma can be traced to this table give or take a few years. Were your parents depression era, WW2, Vietnam? What was the economy? Google “News” and the year when your parents were 10. This will assist you to reflect on their story. If you have the book, The Treasure, check out the story telling piece of Addictions R Us Community Church at the end of the chapter. Go slow. Go careful. Bring Kleenex. You can order The Treasure from this website, you may get it on Amazon.com in book or ebook form. If you live on the coast you can obtain it at North Coast Family Fellowship’s bookstore. If you cannot afford a book, I will send you a copy. This is for love, for truth, for depth.